The year with no Victore
by Little Red and the Bigbad Wolf
Summary: The 74th hunger games wasn't the only one with a story, when Talia Edson is reaped Milles refuses to let her go unprotected and volunteers. Talia doesn't plan on letting Milles get killed to save her, and that's exactly what he has in mind. They both plan to keep the other alive until the finish. However there can only be one victor. So whose it gonna be?
1. Chapter 1

"Talia Edson." I stare up at the platform for several seconds before numbly moving towards it, wondering why fate chose to place this particular cruelty on me. I mounted the steps and turned to face district seven. No one here would miss me, with the exception of perhaps my brother; my absence would mean nothing more than an empty desk in a classroom.

"Cameron…" The first name hardly manages to escape her lips before she's interrupted.

"I volunteer as tribute." Miles says coolly, striding to the platform. Our escort looks mildly annoyed as she mumbles something about waiting for her to finish the name.

"What is your name young man?" Her capital accent alone infuriates me; I chose to overlook the clear excitement in her eyes.

"Miles Harlan." We turn and shake hands; and as much as I would love to say I don't know this fool, I do. In fact, it's because of me I think that he volunteered. Miles Harlan is my one, and regrettably only friend.

And I have to kill him. We lock eyes and I wonder if he can see how angry I am. Probably, he always had before. But this was different; the boy standing next to me wasn't who I'd seen this morning. Grinning like a fool as we walked to the square stepping on my shoes and pulling at my hair. Maybe he was happy, if not very close. Now the stranger next to me stood stalk still, facing district seven with a brave face, but I'd known him too well for too long to be fooled by his façade. His eyes were frightened, and his hand shook when I took it. Why would he volunteer if he was so afraid? Well, really the answer is quite simple. He wants me to live, and he doesn't think I can do it on my own. I'm not insulted, I know I'll die. But if he thinks I'll let him get killed saving me he's going to be disappointed.

I'm shaking and so unfocused I hardly notice that I'm standing in the justice building; Anthony had stepped in behind me after several minutes of my solitude.

"Hey kid." I hardly hear the words fall out of his lips as they die away just as they reach my ears. He'd not been one to talk since the death of our parents two winters ago. I move towards him, this seems so unreal, I wonder dimly when I will wake up from this nightmare.

When I am just in arms reach of him my knees buckle, and I fall onto the floor, having lost any will to stand at the sight of my brother. He kneels next to me, "I love you." He says somewhat hesitantly.

"I love you too." He holds me close while I cry the older brother who had always been there to protect me before could do nothing but watch me die now. The peacekeeper removes him, then soon comes back and removes me. Escorting Milles and I to the train, we smile half-heartedly at the cameras but as soon as the steak metal doors of the train close my smile falls to an unsatisfied frown. Linli, our escort to the capital, guides us to the main room; as soon as we stop I find myself resisting the urge to slap Milles in the face, with nothing now to distract me from my frustration with him. I grab his arm and yank him around to face me, fully intending to yell at him but ending up whispering.

"Why would you do that?" I will back tears as I look into his eyes and see something I'd seen in my brothers, a look that could only mean an impending goodbye.

"Remember?" He asks softly, placing a hand on the small of my back and gently ushering me along to an overly plush chair, as I was shaking a frightful amount. I nod as he moves to sit on the arm of the chair, earning a discouraging look from Linli, he sits anyway. "I promised I would volunteer."

A lonely tear crawls down my cheek before he brushes it away for me. "I never wanted you too." He smiles, something that may have convinced me had I not known him as long as I had.

"I would've anyway." I shake my head slowly, closing my eyes. Willing myself to wake up, though I knew full well this was not a nightmare. Linli watches us carefully from the other side of the room looking somewhat confused. Shane Sulry must have entered while my eyes were closed; he stood near Linli inspecting his hands. Miles watches him, somewhat untrustingly. Shane won three years ago; he would be nineteen now I think. He runs his hand through his short blonde hair in a nerves fashion, Miles adjusts himself to sit in a more protective position. I suppose his protecting me would start sooner then I'd originally anticipated.

...


	2. Chapter 2

"Should we watch the reapings?" Linli asks apprehensively, Milles smiles at her despite my almost immediate detestation of her, though I acknowledge this is, in part, because she hails from the capital.

"Yeah, we should," He stands up, but then pauses and turns back to look at me "Shouldn't we?" Honestly, I'd rather sleep. It had been a long day, possibly the longest in my life, (but not the longest I would ever experience I assure you), but I knew it would be good to see the faces of my potential killers, or victims.

The reapings were a dismal parade of hulking careers and stalky teenagers that by the look of them wouldn't see next year. District seven I think however, frightened me the most. I'd pause for shorter then I'd earlier thought, little shock registered on my face but I could see that even then I was shaking slightly. In the back of my mind I'd known all along I would get chosen, if not this year the next. All along I'd known I was doomed. The camera flickers past Milles, panning over the crowd to show their reactions. In the moment I saw him I could already see he'd made up his mind, his eyes flickered something like pain mixed with the boldness caused in desperate situations.

Now he leans slightly towards me unconsciously as he watches, once were both on the stage it pans across the crowd again, moving momentarily over my brother who has tears trailing down his face, I move closer to Milles and burry my face in his shoulder, hiding from the two strangers stare out of the screen at me. "I'm so afraid." I whisper, he moves a hand to my shoulder.

"Don't worry, you'll be okay." How could he know how wrong he was? I wasn't going to let him die, anymore then he was going to let me. There was a problem with that; there can be only one victor. One of us needed to die.

The capitals shinning world of color and glass hurt my eyes as I looked out the windows, Milles stood next to me, contenting himself on carefully inspecting me. Prompting me to look more emotionless then I generally try to appear, when I'm feeling more emotions then I had in as long a time I can remember. I backed away from the window as we start nearing the streets, the people. Painted, and prodded, and mutated until the point of looking somewhat manufactured. Like little plastic dolls. All each looking wild and strange, each different from the next. Somehow animal like, dull minded and concerned clearly only with looking intriguing. In any way possible. Looking excited, pointing and waving, jumping like small children at a shops window. I found myself sitting just under the window, out of sight. Maybe they'll forget that there's a district seven, maybe they'll forget all about us. We can just, go home. I wished desperately I could stop conjuring such silly children's thoughts as I knew perfectly well they only deepened the wound that the capital had given me the second my name was called, the second Milles volunteered.

We passed millions upon millions more cameras and I hide behind Milles as well as I could. Smiling every once in a while when it was absolutely unavoidable. When we finally made it to the prison they had the gull to call a hotel I was ready to spit in the face of the next person I saw with a camera. It was bad enough I had to fight for my life quiet literally in a few days, I didn't need to be blinded by the flash of thousands of cameras all at once before that happened. As it happened I was none to good at fighting in the first place, I knew with quiet certainty that I would be an even worst fighter if I happened to be blind.

I didn't eat that night, I knew I probably should but I couldn't see it mattering. I forced myself to put several spoonfuls in my mouth that all tasted of past to me, finally allowing myself to stop after convincing myself I was shrinking my stomach for the games. Strategy. I convinced myself, this was all part of my strategy. Milles glances at me from across the table, with a look of concern that I had grown somewhat used to. I smile something that even without seeing I know is unconvincing. For the first time in what seemed like a long time I spoke, "Are we going to be allies?" I look up at Milles, almost certain the answer was yes. But who knows, perhaps he'd changed his mind in light of the situation. Having realized that he wanted to get home more then he wanted me too.

"No." He says, looking up at me with a sarcastic grin plastered across his face. I might have slapped him had I not been sitting too far away. I really wasn't in the mood for his wonderful habit of being annoyingly sarcastic and by default charismatic, really at the moment all I was in the mood for was sleep.

I allow myself to give into this after having to struggle with myself to keep from falling asleep at the table and ending up with my face in my food. Something I had a preference to not doing, especially in front of Linli, who seemed to have a problem with anything I did anyway. I push my chair back "I'm going to sleep." I mumble, leaving them to their own conversations. I open the door to my room, hardly making it to the bed before the darkness of sleep wraps its arms around me…

I opened my eyes and found myself staring into a pair of foggy green eyes, Milles' eyes if I'm right. I was wondering why they looked so strange when I stepped back, it was Milles. He fell to the ground with a sickening thump, the sound of dead weight hitting the ground. I looked down at my hands, a long metal blade was in them. It was covered in blood, Milles blood. I dropped to my knees and pulled him to me, his blood flowing thickly out of his stomach. "Go home, doll face." He whispered with a smile, his curly brown hair stuck to his forehead with sweat. Blood trickled out of the corner of his smiling mouth, as his eyes glazed over.

"No, Milles, no." His blood kept flowing out, the whole world seemed to be drenched in the thick red blood. I was drowning, choking on the blood of my final victim. Milles.

"This year's victor is…."

My eyes fly open, I'm relived, for once, to find I'm in the capital. Safe and sound, for the moment. I push myself out of bed and open my door, having no desire to close my eyes and find the horror that I fear will soon be my reality if I'm not lucky. And my luck as you may have guessed has never been very good.

**This is my first fan fiction so I'm not sure how I'm doing, not to badly I hope? Well if your reading this I love you, and I hope its not a horrible waste of your time. pretty please review, and remember! I love you with my whole heart. **

**forever yours, **

**Pigeon**

**p.s. you'll learn I go by lots and lots of names (little red, pigeon, mouse, Alice, ect. None of which are my real name)**


	3. Chapter 3

**disclaimer: I do not own the hunger games**

**(I'm pretty sure that's like, important... forgot to do that first couple of times... ops.)**

**also I just realized that I completely skipped the parade! I'm so sorry! Unless everyone (by everyone I mean the like, one person who might read this far...) has a massive problem with it I'm just going to skip it because I'm sorry but I've got nothing. If its really bugging anyone just say so and I'll try to think of something and rewrite chapter 2 but, no promises. and I'm sorry if this chapter isn't very good, but not every chapter can be the best, sorry. **

I slow as I near Milles' door, having wondered towards it. It seemed safe to assume he was asleep given the early hour. Lightly I tap on the door, unsure if I wanted to wake him. "Milles?" I whisper the night surrounded me and I feel gravity pushing down on me, threatening to crush me.

"Milles?" I whisper again, this time slightly louder. I hear him roll over in his grave.

Bed.

I hear him roll over in his bed. "Milles." I whisper a final time, almost leaving despite my longing not to be alone. I hear his feet hit the ground as he rolls out of bed; the door opens a moment later. He stars back at me in the dimly light hall, the door open just enough for me to see his mussed hair and sleepy eyes, he smiles in a half asleep manor.

"Tal," he appears to be about to send me away when he sighs somewhat shortly and steps out of the door. Playfully he boxes my ear, "do you have any idea how late it is"

He yawns then runs his hand through the mass of unruly hair on his head.

"I just…. Wanted to make sure you were, ok." I realized images from my nightmare circled my mind unconsciously, taunting me with my impending future. He crocks his eyebrow slightly.

"Well, here I am. Okay, good as I can be here," He smiles playfully but beneath his fake smile is the seriousness that he's to tired to completely hide, "It really is late, you should sleep." He says, yawning again.

I hesitate; still having no desire to be alone in this nightmare that I was finding with horror didn't go away with my waking, or sleeping. Nothing but perhaps death could make this nightmare leave me, and for the moment at least, death was not an option.

Milles opens the door and starts to leave, "Please don't leave me alone." The words die on my lips but he appears to have heard them, he pauses and turns around shrugging lightly he steps aside for me.

"Okay." He says softly, crawling into the bed. He moves closer to the wall, making room for me. I snuggle into the comforter, and him, staring into the undefined darkness for hours after Milles' breathing evened into the soft slow breathing of sleep.

**ok, I know I'm probably updating a strange amount but, and I'm not going to deny this ever, I have absolutely no life (this time of year at lest...) anyway don't worry I'm sure the river of my imagination will experience a drought anytime now, (something it does at very inconvenient times might I add.) Ok, well. I love you, happy reading **

**-Amy **

**p.s. don't worry everyone's confused by my name changing all the time, but I figure if I cant use my real name I might as well use everyone else's **


	4. Chapter 4

**not my best work, but its probably better then the last, at the very lest i hope its not a compleat waste of your time. I love you, and also Pretty please reveiw. Thanks for reading! **

**Love, Pigeon **

My world of dark, empty sleep was rattled when Linli knocked loudly on the door. "Milles? Are you awake?" Her voice too, is groggy. As if she herself had woken moments earlier, somehow this notion surprised me. Though I couldn't tell you why.

"I'm awake." Milles says to the door, sitting in a chair colored blood red. Something that could have been more subtitle, it was designed to implant a subconscious need to see or create the flow of blood I suppose. Altogether I found the chair unpleasant, some spots even I would swear were splotches of actual blood. Something, no matter how grotesque, I had to admit didn't surprise me much. Not from the Capital.

I wondered dimly if they realized how morbid the games are. Maybe they don't, maybe, possibly there just lost demented children. Confused and distant children without an understanding of their actions, only knowing what their spoiling, lying father has told them. Playing with dolls he gave to them as gifts he did not own to give. For a moment I even pity them.

They are simple, dull minded, numb to their actions. They don't understand. But my pity vanishes as quietly as it came. As though it never existed in the first place. But its ghost loomed over my shoulder, whispering in my ear. "This is what you believe. You pity the killers who rejoice in the blood of our kin's blood. You pity them even though they, not the other tributes, are your killers. They will murder you in cold blood and celebrate your death as though it were holiday. They will stand in your blood and laugh. And yet, you pity them."

I feel as though I'd betray all of the districts; even those that betray all of us long ago, with my thoughts of pity I betray all of us that struggle together in the Capitals grasp. I betray us all.

Milles shakes my shoulder slightly, "Time to wake up and meet the competition." He smiles falteringly . In some strange way, the first day of training was almost like the first day of Kindergarten. I entered the room apprehensively; the careers had staked their claim on anything useful in terms of fighting. Slowly I wonder after Milles. Feeling childish but unsure of where to go without another to tell me, but mostly feeling afraid. The world seemed to be suffocating in this large room and me with it. Though no one watched me I felt insufferably watched. Lightly I touch his arm to catch his attention, "Did I tell you I can't fight?" I whisper, feeling more doomed then usual watching the careers fling knives at dummies as though it where a boring child's game, one far too easy for them.

"Are you fast?" He continues walking, though to where I've not the slightest. I nod in confirmation. "Then you won't need to fight, you'll just need to run." My head pivots slightly to the side.

"And you?" He smiles, picking up a knife of his own. It flies off his finger tips and buries itself in the dead center of a dummies face before I have time to blink.

"I'll fight."

His grin only widens when I am openly impressed with his throwing. He picks up another knife, letting it fly further this time. He ignores the attention he's gained, just as he ignores my whispers when I tell him to stop because of it.


	5. Chapter 5

**hello there my dearest truest love! This week I am having boy troubles *sigh* I know you dont really care, as your hear for a thrilling story of love and adventure but I thought I'd throw that out there, becasue I'm in a pouty frame of mind about it (dont worry that doesnt effect my writing) my friends think I should tell him because they think he likes me (we dated for a few days after I broke up with my last boyfriend and I was having emotional issues so I broke up with him, and then a few months later i asked if he wanted to try again and he said no, so I dont know if I should or not becasue hes actuing like he likes me again, but he probably doesnt, knowing my life.) Anyway, sorry, Had to get that out of my system. I love you, and I hope this isnt to terrible awful. Thanks so much for reading and if it isnt to much of a hassle please review! **

**forever yours,**

**Pigeon**

Gradually the careers interest grew, and much to my protest Milles continued throwing. The attention he was receiving from them disturbed me on levels I can't possibly explain.

"Milles, what are you doing? You're going to get is killed before the Games even start, stop. Milles, Just," I pull at his arm, "practice something you're not so good at." He stops to grin at me before throwing another knife.

"I wouldn't want to lose my good aim by not practicing." As he moves to retrieve it I note several eyes fallowing him.

"Well than don't be useless. Show me how." He pauses, his hand on the hilt of the knife that was still firmly stuck in the dummies chest. He seemed hesitant to agree, but in the end I didn't need to remind him changes are I'll have to fight someone.

"Do you have good aim? You know what, never mind. Forget aim. I'm not teaching you to throw." He hands me the knife anyway. "I can teach you to kill close up." I've learned not to question where he learned these things. Because I don't know for sure if I want to know where he learned such grotesque things.

"Like this," He slides a knife across the dummies throat in one smooth solid movement. Without thinking my hand goes to my throat. Would I have a similar fate?

"Now you." My world darkens; I'm already in the arena. How hadn't I noticed? How had I gotten there, I had no recollection of being put in here, my last memories where the training center… "Now you." Milles says softly, a dead tribute lay on the ground blood gushing from there slit throat. Instinctively I jump back, thrusting the knife forward; as soon as I feel it make contact I pull down. Through I struggle with that due to a lack of upper arm strength. Even so I manage several inches.

I blink, realizing I'm still in the training center still, there is no dead tribute, all are breath. I remember my actions with horror as I realize my hand is no longer wrapped around the hilt of a knife, I look up and am as relieved as can be managed in my particular circumstance to see that Milles had leapt away when he saw my attack coming, he'd managed away with little harm done to him other then shaken nerves. The same cannot be said for the dummy.

"Next time wait for me to move sweetheart." He said with a very shaken looking smile, more nerves then kind. My knife had indeed made contact with the dummy. Quite a lethal stab, if I may say so myself. Originally the knife was plunged into where the heart might be found. Then was dragged down possibly causing a lung puncture. Either way the wound was fatale, if not from a wound to the heart or lungs you then from blood loss.

**not my best but I hope you liked it, I promise she doesnt turn into a phycopath, not compleatly! Love you, **

**-Pigeon**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hello my dearest truest love in the whole universe! ****since I was whining last time I wrote I thought it would be worth it to tell you what happened. So today was the last day of school and I was going to tell him there, but seeing as I'm a massive wimp I did not. So I decided I wanted to tell him and emailed him this unnecessarily long message that didn't even get to the point until the end. This actually kind of pointless because he only checks his email once every millennium. I'm starting to wonder when the next time he'll check his email will be. Will he email me back? What if we have to have a whole awkward conversation about how he doesn't like me? What if he moves away forever? Maybe its not to late to change my name and move to Texas... ****Anyway, I hope you like this my dearest darling muffin cupcake. I love you with my whole heart and if its not to much trouble pretty please review! And if it's worth anything I'm sorry I keep whining. ****-Pigeon **

"Hey seven." We both turn around; I see a tall, blonde brown eyed boy approaching us. His strides were long and I could practically see the cold blood running through his veins. Milles takes a quick step forward then to the side, standing in a more protective position. I believe the boy walking towards us was district one, I didn't know his name. I didn't know any of the tributes names.

I made no effort to, for me or Milles to live he would have to die. They would all have to die, so I know them only by numbers. This will make it much easier to kill them, or be killed by them.

"The names Simon," he sticks out his hand for Milles to shake, Milles promptly doesn't. He waits several seconds for him to take his hand before retracting it. "We think you might be of value to us." He tilts his head towards several of the careers that watched us with deadly eyes. "If you agree to be our ally, we might even let you keep your little pet." He reaches out and ruffles my hair, smiling wickedly at me. I swat his arm away, reminding myself that there could be no physical fighting amongst tributes before the games. I can see the blood lust in his eyes, and know almost instantaneously that they would kill me if Milles agreed, as soon as his back was turned. I was of little use to them. Though I was effective enough when I acted on instinct I most definitely was not a team player and I most definitely was not useful enough for the careers to want me around. I was one more person that would need to be kept alive.

I look to Milles and see him flash district one a very fake, if not sarcastic, smile. "Not that that's not a terrible offer, oh, and it is. But, I'm gonna have to say no." He turns away from district one, but he grabs his upper arm and spins him back around.

"Are you sure about that seven." The threat in his voice is hard to ignore.

"Regrettably," his voice is sticky sweet and dripping in sarcasm. "yes. I am sure."

"Your mistake seven. You better keep your pet on a close leash. Or she might get, lost. We wouldn't want that, now would we seven?" He runs his hand along the sword in his hand before placing it firmly in front of my throat, inspecting it with little interest. "It's a shame too; she's such a pretty little pet." He reaches out to touch my cheek but finally fed up with him Milles grabs his wrist and twist it around and forcing him to turn. He presses one's arm against his back and lean in to whisper in his ear.

"It's a shame isn't it then that you won't live long enough to see much more of her." He shoves him away. "Goodbye."

I watch the careers talk amongst themselves, every once in awhile glancing in Milles and I's direction. "Oh, Milles look what you've done. They'll probably kill us the second we get in the arena! Oh…. Milles." He lowers his arm, his knife still gripped in his fist.

"You know they would've killed you the second they got the chance, don't you?" He says his eyes as serious as I'd ever seen them. This frightened me much more then the prospect of being killed in cold blood by the careers. I'd never seen Milles be serious once in all the years I'd known him, I was the serious one out of the two of us. I know I ought to be much more frightened of the Games, but for some inapplicable reason I couldn't understand why. It was getting simply infuriating, not being able to explain anything.

**love you forever! -Pigeon **


	7. Chapter 7

**hello mi amor! (which if you didn't know translates to my love, unless I spelled it wrong then it could translate to any number of things) I wrote a bit more, and then I was like, Imma post this, incase anyone gets bored and wants to read this or somethin' crrraaaazy like that. So, yeah. Hope you like it, I know I'm not doing as well as I was. Its kind of repetitive isn't it... Well, anyway please review if you've got the time and also I love you. with all of my heart Pigeon+(**insert name here**)= 3forever! **

**yours,**

**Pigeon **

He pauses for a long moment before continuing to tell me how to go about doing the attack I'd almost killed him with correctly. The rest of the day continued in such a manor, slicing into the artificial flesh of the dummy. I tried not to see the images that had somehow buried themselves in my subconscious, images that made my heart tremble and weep with fear and grief. Some I'd seen play out on a screen from past Games, some my imagination feed me. Whisper in my ear all the while telling me, this is your fate. This is what you will become. You must ether fall, or stand and kill others. Telling me things I already knew.

"Talia," he takes my wrist and leads me towards the door. "Come on." Although I tried hard not to, I glanced over my shoulder at the careers that hadn't left prior us. Their eyes were cold and stony, and I wondered which one of them would have the pleasure of killing me. I wondered if it would be a slow death, one which Milles was forced to watch. Or a quick merciful death that was simply to get me out of the way. Either way, I was to be nothing more to them then another killed by the games. Another  
tribute lost, I was just another headstone in a graveyard that wouldn't soon be complete.

"Talia." He pulls at my arm again. "You have to do some of the walking to; I can't just pull you all the way back to our floor." He sighs in a vaguely melodramatic fashion which provokes a smile to form on my lips.

I yawn, wiping sweat from my forehead, "I told you I hated you didn't I?" He glances at me as he steps in the elevator ahead of me.

"Liar." I smile through another yawn, straining to keep my eyes open. Seeing only know how terribly out of shape I was. No matter how fast I ran, or how much Milles could teach me about fighting I was going to get winded and inevitably be killed, whether from a lack of being able to fight back because of fatigue or from fainting from lack of lung strength or endurance. I wondered if I would die in the first couple of minutes like several unfortunates always did. Maybe I would be the first of the cannons to sound.

This thought didn't scare me as much as it perhaps should have, if I were dead that increased Milles chances to live. Didn't it? Though I thought all my life I'd been above such thoughts I began to think perhaps I could die on purpose to save him.

"What will you do when I die?" His look goes sober and he turns to look into my eyes.

"You're not going to." I saw something in his eyes then, something unfamiliar in the world the Capital gave us. Determination to survive, not survival for himself but for me. Something I wasn't willing to let happen.

"But what would you do?" He shrugs and turns away from me, having no intention of answering. I stand in the middle of the main room and watch him walk silently down the hallway.

"I don't think he'd do anything." A soft voice says from behind me, one I was unfamiliar with. I spin on my heels and get my first good look at Shane Sulry. The shortness of his hair didn't alter the messiness of it; his eyes were blue and foggy, not fully focused on anything. They flew across the room then wondered slowly back to me before inching towards the other side of the room. He sat slumped in a chair in the far corner of the room.

"What do you mean," I move towards him. In the several days I'd spent there so far he hadn't said a word to any of us, not even Linli. Who despite that fact never stopped talking to him. Probably because he didn't tell her to be quiet like the rest of us did, no matter how subtitle we managed to say it.

"I think," he finally looks up at me for more than two second, "he would stop fighting. He might manage to stay out of the way for a few days, but if you die he'll be soon to fallow." He pauses again, glancing around the room again. "Think about it, why did he volunteer in the first place. We both know it was for you."

He couldn't live if I did, but he wouldn't live if I didn't.


	8. Chapter 8

**Hello min karlek! (that's Swedish for my love, unless Google lied to me. Then I have no idea what that means...) Still no answer, I wonder if he'll ever check his email. Probably not, in twenty years he'll check his email and FINALLY be like "Oh, the summer before ninth grade she had a crush on me." and it wont even matter because I'll probably already have a cat by then! *forever alone joke* SIGH! Anyway, I wrote this chapter especially for you! I love you with my whole soul my dearest darling muffin cupcake and I hope that you love this chapter as much! Or at lest I hope you don't hate it, I'm not picky. Pretty please review, but only if you want to, I'm not being pushy. I love you.**

**-Pigeon **

It was almost as though the darkness desired to swallow me whole, its smothering arms wrapped tightly around me choking me; as though it were a child clinging to tightly to a pet. And though the darkness seemed too long to kill me it was a friendly welcome compared with what the light showed me. It seemed so kind and lovely, but it showed you things even the darkness would not dare to reveal to you. It only wishes for your demise, where the light wishes for your torment.

My eyes close, but the dreams that ravage me leave me more tired then I started out. A time that seemed like seconds pass then a soft knock on the door rouses me from my restless sleep. "Rise and shine." Linli's voice murmured, she knocked again vaguely louder. "Awake?" I groan and roll over, pulling the blanket further over my head. "Talia?" Another knock, I roll over; only half aware of what's happened when I hit the floor.

"I'm awake. You can stop."

I fumble with the words as they fall out of my mouth there was a pause before I hear her obsessively tall heels click down the hallway. I dress quickly in the uniformed work out gear, pulling a brush through the thicket of long straight brown hair that sat in a tangled mess on my head. I bite my tongue resisting the urge to cry out in pain as tangles pull at my head, tempting me to cut my hair off. My hair, as usual, is an unruly mess even after its been brushed. I sigh and pull it into a ponytail.

District one looked at me snidely, having guessed I supposed that I was the reason Milles had turned down his offer. Not incorrectly. Sheepishly  
I moved behind Milles, letting myself hope for the first time that someone would get killed. I chastise myself for such thoughts, but I don't find myself regretting it. Had the Games already changed me so much? Or perhaps, had this always been a part of  
me. Wanting survival enough to kill others, something I'd always thought I was above. How simple of me... Though I suppose most of us think that. Until were here, then we realize the cold blooded animals that we really are. We realize the mutts are not only found in the games, but in ourselves.

**I know that was short but I'm getting kicked off the computer, sorry! Hope that wasn't to bad, love you! **

**-Pigeon **


	9. Chapter 9

**Hello amica mea (Latin) So I'm going to add another chapter, I hope this ones not to short, I know the last was WAY to short but I got kicked off right in the middle of what I was doing so I just posted it. Hope you don't hate it, I love you and review if you like **

**forever yours,**

**Pigeon**

I find a knife clasped firmly in my hand, and wonder how long I had been holding it. I couldn't continue on this way, getting lost in my own thoughts every minute. But I suppose, I would keep on as I had been all my life. There was no changing it now. I glance over my shoulder again at district one, he was no longer visibly concerned with my existence.A double edged sword now held his full attention, with one swift motion the head of a dummy tumbled to the floor. My breath caught in my throat, and I hoped dearly he found no such weapon when we got to the arena. I turned and found myself facing Milles who gave me a distantly irritated look.

"Pay attention." He scolded somewhat quietly

"I am, just not you." I smile, he turns away to face the dummy we stood in front and continued to show me pressure points and where blood veins were most venerable. Panem was drowning in the blood of its districts, and for some reason this thought saddened  
me. Though I could tell you no clear reason why, for secretly many of us wished for Panem to die. For its light to sputter and wither, finally going out in the end. But for reasons unfathomable I couldn't bring myself to wish for Panem's demise. The rest of the training period for that day was spent in such a manner as that.

Shane greeted us at the door with a sober shake of his head. Milles glances at me warily, wondering why he had met us at the door. Wondering why he wasn't locked up tight in his room like he had been the rest of our stay at the capital. "What are you going to do for them?" He says in a soft, barely audible voice; one I was surprised to learn was regular for him. When he was in the games, or perhaps I should say before he had been somewhat loud voiced and talked more than breathed. Though I had not known him in those days that seemed so far away, I can see the boy he was now was far from who he was.

"I hadn't decided. I'll probably throw knives. It's the only thing I'll get a score at doing." He says, inspecting Shane closely as though he expected him of all people to attack us.

"And you?" Shane whispers in my general direction, his eyes skirted the room feverishly.

"I was going to slice up a dummy, I guess. I can't really fight; I only know what Milles has taught me in the meager time we've had." Though I was beginning to notice I felt utterly naked without a knife in hand.

"How good are you?" Milles shrugs, then appears to try to find a reasonable way to respond.

"I can hit a still target from about one hundred yard, I don't know about a moving target. I know I could hit one but I don't know how close I'd have to be." His voice grew quiet as he ended his statement, almost ashamed.

Shane turns his head to me, insinuating he expected an answer for the same question. "I'm mediocre if I focus. But I've never had to work with someone fighting back."

"You won't have to, I taught you that as a precaution. You're going to run and let me take care of it. If its necessary just make sure you go for the most lethal stabs first, don't prolong anything." Shane looks at Milles in a way that might have been annoyance, but the look melted away into vague confusion before he appeared to have lost interest.

"Strategy?"

"That's pretty much it. That's our strategy." I say softly. What else was there to do?

"Allies?" Milles and I exchange looks.

"Talia is my only ally, and I am hers. We plan on keeping it that way." He nods quietly and turns to leave. "Do you have any suggestions." Milles inquires with a hint of annoyance in his voice. Without turning around he answers,

"Win the capitals hearts at your interview, otherwise you won't be getting much more help in the arena then that it will take to kill you." His voice is that of a broken child, and it frightened me that this was the man who would have to gather my supporters in the capital while I was in the arena.

Milles glances at me again, I hold my breath until he's out of sight. "Were going to die aren't we." He sighs, and for the first time tells me the truth.

"Probably." My false reality cracked, then shattered. And I began to see with sudden clarity, how desperate my situation was.

**Ok! So I hope that wasnt a huge disappointment, please review because it would make my heart soooo happy, and I love you! **

**yours,**

**Pigeon**


	10. Chapter 10

**Hello meine liebe! (German)** **I dont have much to say about this one, and there has been no evolution on the situation with the boy (which I'm sure your not interested in but its to late your involved) so all I have to say right now is I love you lots and pretty please review if you've got the time! :) **

**yours,**

**Pigeon **

Milles carefully took my hand and guided me back to my room, "Goodnight sweetheart." He says softly. Looking at me in a concerned sort of way. I smile and nod, then slowly I close the door.

"Time to get up." Linli knocks halfheartedly on my door before moving on, trusting I'll be awake as I always am. My morning is much the same as the last; they seem to blend together in a bull gray mass now, which disturbs me. I stand in front of the mirror and watch the stranger that stares back at me for several minutes until there's another tap on the door.

"Tal?" I move towards the door standing quietly in front of it for a moment.

"Yeah?"I pull at the end of my ponytail lightly.

"Ready?"

"Yeah," I say opening the door. Stretching slightly and rubbing the sleep from my eyes, today I would need to be awake to show the game makers I could be a threat to the other tributes. The only thing that frightened me now was the one thing I knew could be counted on. The simple truth. That I in fact, was no threat to the other tributes at all.

We each sat in the stiff chairs alongside the wall arranged by district. One to twelve. Boys before girls. Milles squirmed in his seat as minutes ticked by; the small room maintained its silence and it sounded almost as though there was no one in it with the exemption of the sound of breathing.

"Milles Harland." The peacekeeper finally called in, prepared to lead him out. Milles gave me a nervous grin and left. I wondered how well he was doing, and though little time passed the few minutes he spent there seemed to stretch on for hours until the door finally opened again.

"Talia Edson." I stand, and walk numbly towards the door. Knowing even if I was able to get there drunken attention I wasn't very talented at the only fighting skill I'd been taught. I stood in the middle of the large room, fiddling with my hair again for a matter of seconds before anyone so much as glanced in my direction. An old man caught my eye and smile in a way that drove chills deep into my soul.

I find my way to a rake of knives and chose one without careful inspection of it, I wouldn't have such a luxury in the arena so I might as well not get used to it. I move in the direction of the dummy, glancing up at the game makers, they watch me with little interest. With the exception of the old man who stares hungrily down at me.

I take a deep breath and let it out slowly. Then turn sharply and dart around the edge of the room, until finally I reach my destination. Standing directly behind the dummy, I move towards it silently until I'm standing directly behind it. Quickly I pull the knife across its neck. Then move to the dummy beside it, slashing several blood veins. Finally demonstrating the attack I started with on the first day in the training center. I plunge the knife deep into its chest and pull down as hard as I could manage, ripping its artificial flesh, making sure to drag into direction onto the lung in hopes of a puncture. As fake blood pours onto my hands I look up at the old man, removing the knife from its chest I hold it up for him to see, then I gently set it back on the rake

"You are dismissed." I take my leave quickly, wondering if I would find a sink somewhere soon. As the artificial blood was real enough to disturb me with its presents on my hands

**Sorry this ones kinda short, but I hope you liked it! By the way I love you.**

**-Pigeon**


	11. Chapter 11

**Hello**** dragul meu! I spent five minutes specially for you trying to find an awesome new language to say my love in, I finally decided on Romanian because that translates into several things, amongst them are, my love, my darling, and Ducky. That's right. Ducky. How cute is that? So cute! In case your wondering (I'm willing to bet money your not) still no evolution on the situation with the boy. Starting to wonder if he's ignoring me... So anyway, here's another chapter, I know I'm posting A LOT, but I have nothing to do. I probably wont be writing as much starting this week because my Cross Country season is starting this Wednesday. Which is so exciting! I really hate running, and people, and I don't have many friends on my team... BUT I STILL LOVE CROSS! Don't ask why I'm not sure... Anyway, chapter, new yeah. So hope you don't hate it or anything, I love you and please review if you like. I love you with my whole entire heart and soul and I want to hug you and cuddle you and play with puppies because their really cute and I don't even know but I love you and also puppies. BY THE WAY! I'm sorry if this is a sucky romance, I've never done one before. Okay, I haven't done one since like second grade and even Twilight is a step up from those. (trust me not by much, no offense if anyone actually likes those for some unfathomable reason...) Anyway happy reading :) sorry again if the love ploy is a bit pathetic. (by a bit I mean like, the worst in the entire world, with the exception of Twilight. Twilight makes me ashamed to be a human.)**

**Forever yours, **

**Pigeon**

Could it already be tomorrow? Tomorrow night I would sit on a stage with Caesar Flickerman answering meaningless questions, trying to win the capitals heart before I was thrown into the arena to fight for my life, or more accurately fight for Milles life. While he fights for mine. I wondered what other complicated stories lay just beneath the "glittering" surface of past Games. Milles sits in a position that pretends to be relaxed. I moved to sit closer to him; he glances at me with the ghost of a smile on his lips.

"How do you think you did?" I tuck my feet under myself and snuggle into his side.

He shrugs, "I think I did alright." A nervous tone held tight on his voice. Lightly he leans his head against mine. My heart flutters slightly and I beg it to stop. Please not now, not him. I can't do this right now.

I know it would be as simple as moving away from him but I can't bring myself to, good sense tells me my life would be so much easier if I moved now. But my heart whispers the promise of happiness in my ear; these promises keep me next to him. "Did you do well?"

"I have no idea." A nervous (almost psychotic) laugh escapes my lips. Linli flicks the obsessively large T.V. on, I blink several times forcing my eyes to adjust to the ridiculously brightly lit T.V. Our almost nonexistent conversation stopped the same moment as it was turned on. Several moments of silence fallowed before the image of the boy from District one flashes on the screen, a ten flashes next to him. District ones girl flashes across the screen next, her hair was platinum blonde which made her absurdly blue eyes even more noticeable, , another ten flashes next to her ghostly pale face. She almost looked dead already. Before I can stop myself an image I will never forget congers itself into my head. A girl as pale as a ghost lying on the ground, hair shinning red with blood as her skull is smashed in. In the shadows of this image I see myself. I shrink into Milles even more with that thought, wondering what was wrong with me.

District two's boy got an eight, something in his dark brown eyes suggested insanity. I quietly note this, storing it away in my mind incase it came to be of use. Or at very lest to try to kill him quickly. I chastise myself once again for such morbid thoughts, but bit by bit I was becoming accustomed to such thoughts. Slowly acknowledge that maybe my grotesque mind would keep us alive. District two's girl got a nine; she was beautiful and from snippets of conversation I'd heard fallowing Milles around the training center I gathered she used that to her advantage and was very manipulative. Something I might be better at if I was any use to the careers in the first place. My head pivoted to the side vaguely. I wondered if it was too late to persuade Milles to ally with the careers, depending on his score maybe it wasn't. But I didn't suspect it was much better then District ones, no matter how good he was at throwing. District three got seven and five, district four was eight and six (I suppose it was an off year for district four, something we could possibly take  
advantage of) district five, four and five. District six, three and five.

I squeezed my eyes close for a moment before opening them again to see Milles on the screen, his curly hair in a mess as if he hadn't combed it that morning (when in actuality his hair stylists had spent at least twenty minutes getting it that way) he smiled in a half asleep manor. I looked at the picture for a moment, wondering what was off. His eyes I think had lost the gleam that had always been present in them before. A sparkle that had suggested the enjoyment he had in life. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, I feel the urge to cry for him but fight it off. Knowing this would only make him more miserable. A ten flashed next to him, "You, talented little monster. God I love you." I laugh into his shoulder.

He tenses for a minute, "what?" I blush slightly. Chastising myself once again. I had no time for this, there was no time for love in the Games, there was no time for anything. For most, not even survival.

"Nothing." My face flashes across the screen next, in a matter of seconds a seven flashes next to it. I laugh, somewhat hysterically. Surprised I got anything above a one. Let alone a seven, it was nothing to laugh at considering I was none to good at "close up combat".

I lightly lean my head against his again. District eight, five and four. District nine, six and four. District ten, three and five. District eleven, six and two. District twelve, two and three. My eyes close involuntarily, I open them what seems to be seconds later and find myself in my room. Milles is softly shutting the door after presumably carrying me here; I'd woken just in time to hear him whisper, "I love you too."


	12. Chapter 12

**hello mon amour! (French) I don't have anything really to say about this. Hope you love this, or at lest don't hate it (again, I'm not picky) so I love you and pretty please review if you've got the time! And again: I'm sorry the romance ploy is poorly written, and sorry my grammar is kinda off. Its not one of the skills I've acquired over the years. **

**yours,**

**Pigeon**

But that didn't matter, nothing mattered but the Games. Not now, I pull the plush blanket far over my head. Half hoping I suffocate by morning.

Needless to say, my hopes were brutally smashed by Linli as she knocked on the door; actually sounding awake for once. "Wake up, today is a very important day! You'll be formally introduced to the loveliest place in the world!" I choke back a snide remark as I open the door, not bothering to change out of the capital provided nightgown that I wore. If I dressed I would only have to again change later. Standing next to her was my stylist, I wasn't sure of her name. I'd never taken the time to ask, or listen when it was told to me. Her skin had a slightly golden tint to it, which though is incredibly disturbing I still find somewhat intriguing. Something I might have enjoyed studying the process of how one might go about making such a deformation, if perhaps my circumstances were different. But they weren't.

She had silver hair the same color as shiny metal before rust eat away at it, most of her makeup seemed relatively normal if you ignored the fact that she wore too much of it. Her eyelashes stretched out several inches to long nearly touching her hairline, and her eyes were an unnatural color of green. Her smile may have been pleasant if not for the distraction of the rest of her physical appearance. She offers me her hand to shake and gingerly I take it, her smile widens slightly. Telling me past tributes had shied away from such an action, "my name is Vada." I smile lightly back at her politely.

"Talia, however I assume you know that." She smiles as she releases my hand and leads me to the room where I'll be made to look good for the Capital. She patiently runs a brush through my long, temperamental brown hair. I watch the mirror silently, black circles are under my eyes and I seem to have aged since I left the Districts. I sigh softly, subconsciously. Biting my upper lip I hope she doesn't notice. No such luck.

"What's wrong sweetie?" she says; I wondered how old she was, mid forty's? Fifty's? It was hard to tell because of the capitals obsessive plastic surgery. "Besides the obvious." She mutters, running the brush through my hair again. I shake my head, not wanting to tell anyone of my secret bane.

"Shall we curl your hair? You would like that wouldn't you?" She says, sounding hopeful. I smile at her in the mirror; I'd never had my hair curled anymore then what it did naturally. I watch my eyes; they were a strange blue that my mother had said I got from my grandfather. Half way through curling my hair in silence she queried once again about my miserable mood. "Wouldn't you tell me? Oh please, I promise my lips would be sealed!" She pried like a little child on the playground.

"It's just, Milles." My melodramatic nature ached to break through, but I choked it down. Not allowing myself to become comfortable with this alien. Convincing myself I was only telling her to induce her silence. Her penciled eyebrows rise silently, waiting for me to continue. "I've known him since I was little; I mean… it's so complicated. Especially now." I sigh again. Wondering how I would ever survive long enough to save him. She glances up at the mirror for a moment to look back at me.

"What do you mean?" She slowly places the curler down on the makeup counter, spinning my chair to face her. She begins to paint my face and from this point I can only hope I don't end up looking like a clown.

"Well," I squirm in my chair, realizing I'd only admitted this aloud once before. I had planned on never doing so again. "It's like this; the whole world is black and white. And Milles is my rainbow." Though I'd promised myself I wouldn't let myself be melodramatic it seems my old nature is leaking through the façade I allow everyone to believe is really what I am. I almost laugh at how ridicules what I'd said sounded but she seems as though she can't show all her excitement with just one smile. A small excited squeak escapes her lips, then she seems to remember the situation.

"That's so tragic!" She obviously resists the urge to giggle at the romantic tragedy I'd set in front of her. "Does he love you?" She asks in a subtitle manor. Trying, and failing, to appear moderately uninterested. I nod. "He's told you so?" I nod again.

"And I him." My heart grew weary, dismal misery wraps its hands around my heart and I sigh again.

"There we go," She spins the chair towards the mirror, apparently done with my makeup. "Do you like it?" I stared into the face of yet another stranger, though I admit this new stranger wasn't necessarily bad looking. I was pleased with what Vada had done to me.

"Yes, thank you." I look down at my hands folded in my lap.

She turns and opens the door, "Sena? The dress." She hisses quietly. I hear the quiet swish of fabric and the sound of heels hitting the halls carpeted floor. She turns back, shutting the door behind her. A white plastic bag is draped over her arm and she unzips it quickly. Removing a bright red ball gown, it was plain but that was just as well. Vada said that it brought more attention to me. She stayed silent for a long moment, "if given the chance, you should mention that in your interview. The Capital loves a bit of gossip. Sponsors, love gossip." She looked at me, and I finally conclude that I had been right in my suspicion. Not all the Capitals residence want to watch the tributes to die.

She walked with me to the elevator, Milles already stood there waiting. Vada smiled at him then whispered in my ear "good luck." I smile back at her quietly as the elevator door closes. Milles touches my hand lightly, I glance at him and he grins. The reminisce of the boy I used to know stared back at me, seeming to be enjoying himself for the moment. He wore a black suit coat, slacks, a white shirt and a red tie the same shade as my dress. I smile falteringly back at him.

"Nervous?" He says, reaching out to touch my hair.

"Yes, are you?" I swat his hand away gently, a smile twitched at my lips.

"Very." He catches my hand as I try to swat at him again; he doesn't let go, I don't want him to. We were both quiet for a moment, then I remember the careers. I remember I need to convince him to try to be part of the pack this year.

"You got a pretty good score," He looks at me through the corner of his eye.

"Yeah."

"I think, maybe the careers would consider letting us in again." I look up at him, into his astonishing green eyes.

"No. We've discussed this. They would kill you."

"And if we don't they'll kill us. Besides, I thought about that. I'll just stay close, and if it comes down to it. We kill them before they can kill us." He paused for a while, we stepped backstage and finally he nodded slightly.

"I'll see if they're offer still stands." He moves towards District one.

"I'll do it." I move around him, he makes no move to stop me.

"Hey one." He turns around, his suit was powder blue and his hair was slicked back. "We've reconsidered your offer."

"Who says it's still there?" He glared at me, I almost laugh.

"I did." I hardly maintain my already semi nonthreatening stance. A smile twitches at his lips.

"You're cute," he reaches out to touch my cheek.

"And you're useful." I say plainly.

"I'll think about it." He starts to turn away from me.

"No. No you won't think about it. You'll tell me right here, right now because you don't just think about things in the arena. We start out allies, or spend the games tracking each other to kill. Are we allies or not." I held my hands behind my back so he couldn't see how badly they were shaking. This was the biggest risk I'd taken so far in my entire life, but I doubted it would be the last.

His smile grew wider and he laughed, "You know what, I like you pet. You and the boy are in."

"Good choice." I say as I hear Caesar Flickerman's voice from on stage.

"Simon Aden of District one!" The crowd claps wildly. As I turn to walk back to Milles I allow myself to smile.

Was I excited for the Games?

No. No, it was the adrenalin. That was all this was. His head pivots to the side and I nod silently. "Were in." He reaches out and takes my hand again.

He reaches out and takes my hand again. I would have stayed lost in my own thoughts forever if I hadn't been shaken from my thoughts when Milles gently let go of my hand, looking back at me for a moment to smile.

"Milles Harland of District seven!" The crowd of monsters clap wildly as he sits next to Caesar. Without listening I let the interview continue for several minutes until I realize my names being called. "Talia, Don't be shy love! Come on and tell us about you two." He smiles, waving me over. Gingerly I step onto the stage, glancing in the direction of the audience. They erupt into applause and I take a small step back in slight confusion.

Milles smiles at me warmly, "Come on, I'll even give you the chair." He moves and sits on the arm of the chair, patting the seat. "Come on." I move towards him, primarily watching the floor.

Caesar shook my hand in what seemed like excitement, I smiled politely. "So," He leans his head on his hand. "Tell us about you two."

I glance up at Milles "I didn't think we were telling people." He patted my head lightly

"He pried it out of me."

"That's why he volunteered you know; to save me." I poke him in the shoulder. He catches my hand and presses it to his lips, clearly playing it up for the audience, something I would be thankful for in the event that Vada was correct about the sponsors. Caesars eyebrows shot up and he looked at Milles.

"I never verified that."

"So it's not true?" Caesar asks, clearly expecting the answer was no.

"Well, no. It's true. I just never said so." He murmured, clearly not liking having everything out on the table. Join the club.

"Well, you couldn't have been more obvious." I smile up at him sarcastically and he smiled back at me.

"You've been together for awhile then?"

"Not exactly,"

"How long?" He crocks his eyebrow slightly. Milles and I look at each other, shrugging slightly he said,

"About as long as we've been in the Capital. But if you'd like to know how long I've loved her, then about two years." Caesar glanced at me and I nod.

"Much of the same."

"So you volunteered to protect the girl you love? How sweet, isn't that sweet people?" He addresses the audience. "And she's such a pretty thing to isn't she. You know," He glances up at the clock, seeing our time was almost up. Having used mine to extend the interview the both of us. "You to make a lovely couple." His expression grew almost genuinely sad. "I wish you the best of luck Milles, and you Talia." He smiles and we leave move to sit across the stage with the other tributes he had already interviewed. District one winked at us, apparently thinking this was a ploy. I wished it was.

The rest of the interviews dragged on for what seemed like forever, when they finally ended I was nearly asleep already. I leaned against Milles as we rode up the elevator in silence. Milles walks to my room and opens the door for me, "Goodnight sweetheart. See you in the morning." I smile and shut the door, I turn around and leaning against it. Finally allowing tears to crawl down my cheeks. I wash the pounds of makeup off of my face and pull a brush through my hair, then crawl into bed without bothering to change out of my dress. Tomorrow the Games would start. Tomorrow would be the beginning of the last  
few days of my life.

**I know that was a little longer then usual but my idea flow didn't stop as soon as it usually does. Yay! So, yeah. That's all. I love you and review if you like. Hope you liked this chapter!**

**-Pigeon **


	13. into the arena

**hello kultaseni! (Finnish). I don't really have anything to say about this chapter, I hope you like it! No additional news about the boy, (am I just paranoid or is he ignoring me? I'm probably just paranoid. Right?) anyway, I love you and please review! **

**yours,**

**Pigeon **

The knock on my door was hardly what woke me. "It's Vada, are you awake?" I'd been awake for awhile now, staring at the ceiling.

"Yeah." I stand and move numbly towards the door. It was finally today, the day I'd been waiting for since I came here. She smiled unhappily when I opened the door and stepped in around me. "Do you have the cloths?" This I was almost exited for; not completely, not by much, but almost. They at least would give me a hint of what would be in the arena.

She nodded and handed me the bundle of cloths she'd been carrying. It was nothing more than a pair of black pants, a white tank top and a light jacket. This made me wonder if it would be very hot or very cold. Given the jacket it would make sense if it were cold. But the tank top made me wonder if maybe it would be warm. I guess I wouldn't know until I was standing in the arena itself.

I held my breath as I stared up at the ceiling of the small room we were standing in. Sitting just above me was the arena I would die in. Not until the end, I remind myself quietly. I wouldn't die until it was just me and Milles. Then I would be allowed to die. Vada cleared her throat in a subtitle manor to gain my attention. I look over at her and she tried to smile. "Are you ready?" I force a smile onto my lips.

"No. But I guess that doesn't matter." She nods slightly.

"Good luck."

"I'll need it." I step into the tube like contraption that would take me up to my platform in the arena. Reminding myself heavily that I was allies with the careers, they would have no reason to kill me. Not in the first bloodbath in any case. I find myself staring straight into the sun. I blink several times trying to force my eyes to adjust to the light, squinting I see that the sun is reflecting of the cornucopia. That is what is blinding me in fact, not the sun. I look around and see nothing but trees all around me, with the small expecting of the cornucopia and several yard around it.

"Ten. Nine. Eight." I position myself to sprint as soon as the countdown ends, having momentarily forgotten my predicament. "Seven. Six. Five. Four. Three. Two. One." The canon that signals the games start blasts into the bitter air and I push off the platform and scan for Milles. My eyes finally find him when I'm half way to District one. I turn and run back towards him even though I know it's ill advised. He sees me when I'm only several feet from him, his eyes widen and he throws a knife that just barely misses my left ear.

"What the hell was that?" He moves quickly behind me and I spin around to watch what he's doing. He leans down and pulls the knife out of a boys throat that I was pretty sure was from District five. Milles frowns and whips the blood from his knife. I hardly hear him above the sound of chaos when he whispers an apology to the dead boy.

"That was me saving you from dying in the first two minutes." He mutters turning and running back towards the cornucopia. District one was standing in front of the girl from eight smiling, it took me a moment to register the fact that he was in fact holding a sword in his hand. A sword that was sticking out of district eights back. Most everyone had ether run off with anything they could grab or were laying dead on the ground covered in there, and everyone else's, blood.

**hope you liked that, I love you!**

**-Pigeon **


	14. the monster that is me

**hello mon chérie. (French, my darling) he answered me, now don't mistake that to mean that he responded to my liking him. He didn't tell me whether or not he did, (to be fair I emailed him... A few... times in between...) so, I still don't know. Because obviously if he liked me back he would just say it right? I mean, there's nothing to worry about (rejection) since I already admitted I like him, right? So what other reason is there for him to not answer me? there isn't. So I guess he doesn't like me. You know, maybe it sounds dramatic but I'm a very melodramatic person. I really wanted this boy to like me, and he doesn't. Or probably. Maybe I'm jumping to conclusions but I doubt I'm wrong. I mean, whatever. It's fine, I'm fine. I never liked him that much anyway. I mean, its okay, its better we stay friends. I mean, I don't care anyway. Its fine. It would've gotten in the way of cross. Sorry if this is a bit short, my hearts not really in it right now, and sorry I'm probably freaking you out because of my over reacting. I love you, mon chérie**

**yours always,**

**Pigeon **

Milles handed me a long sharp blade, it curved slightly. I wondered what it would feel like to stab someone with it. This time I didn't bother to chastise myself this time. This time I was standing in a pool of blood in the arena. This time it didn't matter what grotesque things I thought. Because this time, it was life or death. "Thanks." I murmur as we shift through weapons and supplies. I was relieved that I was allied with District one and the rest or the careers, especially upon seeing the double bladed sword I had so dreaded him getting his hands on.

He glances up at me as I think this and smiles, looking in the direction several of the tributes had sprinted off in. His head pivoted to the side slightly "should we go, hunting?" He hesitates before saying the word. Seeming to test it out, I see something like remorse flash in his eyes. Then he smiles and starts jogging in the direction he had been looking in, I was sure I was mistaken. Someone how was so eager to make an end to another's life has no compassion, and no room for remorse.

We all fallow at a quick pace, even I, I find with complete disgust, and fright, was somewhat excited to see if we would find anyone. Milles stopped suddenly, hushing everyone. He inched slowly away from us before motioning District one over. He pointed mutely and one smiled. One motioned us over, and then paused. "Pet, I'm gonna give this one to you. Prove to me, to us. That you're worth keepin' around. You're a pretty little thing, but that's not gonna get you to far here, pet." It was a boy; he was from eleven I think. I wasn't sure what his name was, I didn't want to know. But I think I heard someone call him Charlie once. I moved silently through the brush on light feet. Finally ending up behind him. I tried to hide my hesitance from the careers, but I didn't want to kill him. I reminded myself he needed to die for Milles to survive. But I couldn't kill him. I moved closer, and suddenly, I became aware of him speaking.

"Please," he whispered. "If you have to kill me, do it quick." He must have sensed I was surprised because he fallowed up with, "Look, your quiet, but that guy you got with you can't whisper worth a shit. Just kill me quick." My eyes filled with tears and I knew I couldn't do it, he turned around. He was unarmed. Someone in district eleven loved him.

"I'm sorry" I whispered as I slid the knife across his throat and his blood spilled onto my arms. I blinked away the tears as his cannon sounded and I see one and the other careers cheering silently for me. I nearly choke n my own disgust for them. But mostly my disgust for the beast that was me.

I moved towards them, tilting my head to the side. One stepped towards me, extending his hand. I shook it, deciding that I would never touch him on purpose again. We started walking again in the same direction as before. I knew I would survive long enough to save Milles, I knew because suddenly I could feel myself becoming cold. I could feel my heart becoming numb to my actions. I would survive, I would survive a monster. But I would survive. If only for the purpose of saving Milles.


	15. pieces not players

**Hello uthando lwami. That is a language called Zulu which I have never heard of. I know this probably sounds so bad but I kind of wonder if the internet made it up... OH! I looked it up, its spoken in south Africa. Now I feel like a mean person, I'm sorry all! Anyway, incase your wondering (and I doubt you are but its to late your involved!)I asked him if he was going to tell me that he didn't like me or just let me assume he didn't. he hasn't answered me yet, surprise, surprise. Anyway, I hope this isn't to terrible. I now I'm not doing so great but I'm having kind of a mental block right now. I'm really sorry. I love you with my whole heart and I hope you like this as much as I like you! **

**Forever yours,**

**Pigeon**

**P.S. Pres. Snow is mentioned in this chapter and his character belongs to ****Suzanne Collins as does the rest of the book, and the idea for this story. Incase that needed mentioning, as I do not wish to be sued, because I have exactly fifty cents to my name at the moment. **

Milles lags behind to walk beside me; he looks at me with genuine concern. I smile, pushing away any problem I might have had. It didn't matter right now. What mattered right now was survival. He watched me carefully for a while longer before giving up. Probably deciding, as I had, that being as emotionally detached as possible during the games was for the better. His hand brushes against mine in a somewhat obvious manor but I ignore it, instinctively I almost go as far as pulling away when he takes my hand despite my deliberate ignorance. I can almost hear the whole of the capital cooing over this act. Or maybe I was over estimating their stupidity, their gooey love ploy ridden minds; maybe they wouldn't care at all. But then again, I doubted that. It was still early in the day. I wondered how much longer we would hunt. It was obvious no one was around and it seemed semi useless to continue wondering in this direction. But I didn't bother bringing this to any of the careers attention. I wasn't the alpha here, clearly. And District one wasn't the type to listen to anyone but himself.

I could almost imagine I was hiking in the woods with a group of friends, other than the silence and tense nerves if I focused hard enough. I could image we were just a group of regular teenagers walking around in the woods lost. But we weren't regular teenagers; this much had to be true. We were tributes. We were careers for god's sake. We not only killed people, we did it with a stunning amount of pride and glee. Like this was exactly what the name implied, a game. But that's what it was to the Capital, just a game. This was something I don't think the careers ever took the time to consider in all the years they'd spent flinging knives and practicing with swords. This was the capitals games, not ours. We were just game pieces, not players. Something about this concept terrified me, it being this. Game pieces are very easily replaced. Even winning game pieces.

I tighten my grip on his hand with this thought, wondering if maybe it was selfish of me to want him to win. Wondering if it was selfish to die here in the games and let him live the rest of his life a game piece, a frighteningly disposable on at that. None of the victors were really safe, though they let themselves believe that. President Snow could at any given moment stage an accident for them. Or maybe a supposed "rebellion" would start again, and they killed several of the victors before they could be stopped. We would always be a game piece to the capital. A game piece and nothing more. The moment we ceased to be of amusement or use to them, we could be disposed of and replaced. I concluded finally that it didn't really matter, I couldn't let Milles die. Game piece or not.

The world moved in slow motion as the day dragged on with little more excitement. One finally stopped and told us to set up for the night when it was too dark to see where we were going properly. The anthem blared out into the chilled night air and the capital seal projected onto the fake night sky, we all paused to look up. Wondering how many casualties there had been today. Both of district four, the boy from district five that Milles had killed to save me, the girl from three, the girl from eight, the boy from ten, the boy I'd killed from eleven and the girl from twelve. Eight down, sixteen to go. Somehow I wished the death toll had been higher, I knew that seemed selfish but I wanted the games to be quick. I stifled a yawn, my eyes begged to be closed I looked at District one somewhat irritably when he called my name. Maybe because I wanted to sleep, maybe because I hated the way it sounded coming out of his lips.

"Talia, you take third shift." I shrug, fine. Whatever, as long as I got to sleep for a while first. Milles leans against a tree nearby and I find myself walking towards him, I half convince myself I only want to be near him because I don't trust the other careers but I know this isn't even a partially convincing lie. I didn't trust them worth a damn that much was true. But that didn't mean that was why I found myself sitting next to him, leaning my head on his shoulder as I let the darkness of unconsciousness hold me tight for the first time in the arena.

Milles shakes me gently by the shoulder for my shift, which if I had been listening I would've learned was to be shared with district two's girl. She watched me warily out of the corner of her ember eyes. "For now watch out for anyone else, do you think I'm an idiot? I'm not going to be a threat to you for awhile." I snap, annoyed with her watching me. She raises an eyebrow and smile.

"What was it you worked with again?" She stared off into the darkness as we sat next to the fire.

"Knives." She waits for more but it was obvious I only knew close up combat. I wasn't giving her information she already should have known. "You?" I glance at her, she only shrugs. I could tell you however that she worked with spears. Close up and distance. That was what worried me. I'd either have to kill her in her sleep, or sneak up on her. I decided quickly on killing her in her sleep. Awake and armed I knew she could more than likely overpower me. I wondered how much longer I would have to wait to kill her. I couldn't say I would be sorry to. Though I hadn't known her long I was glad I hadn't the chance to, for if I had I'm sure I would've been driven mad long before I had the chance to go insane in the games.

I thought for a moment that I'd seen a movement in the woods nearby but quickly dismiss it. I hear the rustling of leafs from behind me, but know distantly there isn't any wind. In my foggy state of mind (mostly from sleep deprivation) I was somewhat surprised at how quickly I'd reacted. I lightly tapped District two on the arm, raising my finger to my lips, then tilt my head towards were I knew district one was asleep. Raising my eyebrow she nodded. I glance back and see vaguely from the shadows of night the light shining dully of a blade that hadn't yet been used. "Come on out love," I say softly without turning around. "You'd be doing us a favor really. We can't kill him, not with this pesky alliance. So, go ahead. Come out, and kill him. Do him in, slit his throat. Just do us a favor and leave his supplies." There's a strange silence. I can feel their heart rate speed up, and realize with a sickening displeasure I'm excited. I know I'll feel remorse after, wont I still? But for now, I was frightfully excited. I was a career. There was the sound of rustling again, but this time it was moving away from us, slowly. Almost like they wanted to die. I glanced at District two. She waved her hand lightly, smiling. The look in her eyes told me this was a friendly gesture. Giving me this kill, a peace offering. Like some sick twisted present. As I stand I imagine a corpse lying on the ground with a bright red ribbon tied around their split neck.

I move quietly in the direction that I'd heard them move in until I finally see the silhouette of a girl. I wait until I'm standing directly behind her to decide how to kill her, whether I should give the capital a show, or take pity on the poor thing and let her die without even knowing. Much the same way I killed the boy from eleven I killed her, pulling the knife quickly across her neck. Her canon blasted out into the night, she was the first dead the second day; lucky girl. I catch her body before she falls to the ground, gently setting her down. It was the least I could do after killing her in cold blood. But at least she died without knowing it; at least I gave her the relief of death quickly. She would be glad I think that I had killed her and not one of the other careers who may have prolonged it, who probably would have actually.

I walk back towards camp, thankful for the fire. Otherwise it's doubtful that I would've found my way back. I sit back down next to the fire and attempt to brush away the red liquid that covered my arms. District two looked like she might laugh. "Have fun?" I look at her and almost make the mistake of telling the truth.

"Yeah." I smile back at her; Anthony had always told me I was a good actor. After several uneventful hours two wakes the next shift.

Milles shifts in his sleep as I move back next to him; I close my eyes and wrap my arms around his waist. It wasn't until morning I was woken up by the light shinning in my eyes. I move slowly away from Milles in an attempt not to wake him. "District one." He looks up drowsily from the sword he'd been cleaning off. "I saved your life last night." He raises a cocky eyebrow, as if he doesn't believe me.

District two moves behind him. Yawning, she stretches her arms "Yeah. Some bitch thought we were stupid enough to not have a watch. Tried to kill you early this morning. Pet saved your sorry ass." I grimaced slightly at the nickname I realized unfortunately was sticking. One glared up at her, then turned back to me.

"Why are you telling me this, Pet?" I lean down, speaking slowly. The way I might talk to a slow child.

"You owe me; I just want you to remember that." I smile at him before standing and waking Milles.

"Let's go." District one barked, not staying fazed for long. He paused as I passed him, glancing over at Milles he finally whispers in a barely audible voice "I won't forget, Pet." I pause and look at him for one long moment. He smiles and says "but remember not everyone can owe you, I'm not gonna kill him. But someone else might." I tried hard not to start thinking of him as a friend. I tried hard to hate him like I had before he acknowledged me saving his life as anything more than me proving to him that he needed me around. But I couldn't. I couldn't afford this; I couldn't afford to make friends here.


	16. swallow your humanity

**Hello mo ghrá! (Irish) I know I haven't written in awhile (for me at lest, I'm not sure about in terms of everyone else but whatever) I hope you love this chapter, and please review! Also I love you. Just to recap (mostly for my personal benefit) ****Both of district four, the boy from district five that Milles killed , the girl from three, the girl from eight, the boy from ten, the boy from eleven and the girl from twelve, and another girl from an undetermined district. **

**-Pigeon **

He almost looks insulted for a moment before pouting slightly; I sigh and take his hand again. I wondered how this would look back home. Us walking along hand in hand, covered in blood and holding knives crusted over with dried blood, mud, and if I'm not mistaken bits of flesh stuck in the curve of my knife. I wipe it off on my pant leg and try not to get sick.

The silence that was walked along in was almost painful; it would almost be worth it to find someone to kill just to break the silence with their scream, or their cannon if nothing else. District one pauses, tilting his head to the side. "Should we start going in a different direction?" He glances back at us.

"No." That was district two's boy I think. He glanced at his district partner who only shrugged. Milles didn't answer right away but finally nodded slightly, I agreed with Milles. District one glances to his side, then started cutting away the brush with his sword; making a clearer path to walk along. Another canon blasts into the chill of the new morning air and I wonder who was dead now, I wondered how they died, I wondered what district they were from, and who was crying for them.

We could've walked for several hours, or several minutes for all the attention I paid. Milles watched the surroundings very carefully, jumping at each breaking of a twig. We were safe for now with the careers, so long as we kept being useful. District one whistled softly to get our attention, he grinned widely and pointed. My breath caught in my throat when I saw the little boy. He looked only twelve or thirteen, and if I wasn't so concerned for mine and Milles lives, I might have called out to him to run. He was holding a spear almost as tall as he was; it wasn't proportioned correctly for him to be able to use it well. I swallowed my humanity and smiled back at District one, he moved nearly silently towards the boy. The boy noticed too late that One was behind him, without trying to hard he knocked the spear out of his hands.

He smiled down at the boy who shook so fiercely I thought that perhaps he would shake himself apart before One had the chance to kill him. He motioned to us to come forward out of the brush to him. A tear slowly crawled down the boys' cheek and I heard a somewhat hysterical giggle escape the ghost from Ones lips. "Can I have his spear?" District two asked, moving forward. "Oh can I kill him with it? Oh please, can I kill him with it? It would be so much fun, with his own weapon." Her eyes sparked with what I have excepted to be festering insanity, something I know that Milles sees in my eyes every time he looks into them.

One pauses, thinking, He swipes his sword across the boys arm. Leaving a nice deep gash that bleeds a deep crimson red I've never before seen. The bones in my hand feel as though there being crushed. I glance down and see Milles hand is white with the effort it takes to hold so tightly to my hand. This child was too much for him, my lips brush against his ear as I whisper to him, begging him to try. "We needed this; we needed to stay with the careers if we were going to make it to the final four. Milles, please. It's okay, I know but please. Please." He looked at me, I could see his light green eyes shining with fiery and passion and fright and regret.

It killed me; the look in his eyes killed me. This was something worst then dying a woeful painful death at the hands of one of the mad tributes. This was being killed and not dying. His sorrow was my fault. It was me; in the end I would be what killed him. Even if he lived. I was the reason he was here, he was willing to die for me; and I couldn't shake the feeling he was going to. The games were breaking him, if he wasn't broken already; even if he died for me I would no longer be the only reason. He would die because he knew he couldn't survive the games, whether or not he lived.

A shrill, painful, animal scream filled the air as the boy was killed. We watched as district two speared him in the stomach. It took nearly five minutes for him to die; tears crawled down his cheeks as he bleeds out. His pale hands wrapped around the handle of the spear as though he desired to pull it out, but he either lacks the strength or will to do so. His eyes grow dime and the cannon fires. I look up to the sky; it was growing dark once again. We moved away from the body so it could be collected, Milles watched as the boy was lifted into the sky and I heard him whisper to the sky, "it's less then you deserve."


	17. a madness that still loves

**Hello ástin mín! (Icelandic) I wrote this because I had nothing to do, and I hope its not terrible. I love you and I hope you love this! I decided that I'm going to get a pet unicorn and name him Oley. Because that's a cute name for a unicorn right? Whateves I don't care if you don't think I'm down with all the unicorn names and what not. Anyway I might be a tiny bit hyper, so raed this and I hope you love it! :)**

**yours always,**

**Pigeon **

The darkness finally cloaked the arena; Milles stared off into the distance at something that wasn't there. Every once in awhile cringing, "Pet, Seven. You two are third shift." I glance over at district two she smiled.

"Can't have you taking all my kills, know can I? It's kinda cramping my style." I smiled back at her, when could I kill her? I hoped soon.

I was alive another day to hear the anthem blaring in my ears as we all looked up into the darkness of the artificial sky. The little boy was from district four; it explained why they'd gotten such low scores this year. The girl I'd killed was from five, the same district as the boy Milles had killed in the essential blood bath. The cannon we'd heard go off in the middle of the day was district twelve's boy. No one else had died today. Eleven people dead. I stared up at the sky for a very long moment, staring at the blackness as if I would see my face in the sky next. I shiver, wondering how Milles was faring.

"Milles?" I call softly over to him from where I stood a few feet away, a knife smacked into the tree that I stood in front of near my left ear. "Shit Milles, what are you doing? You almost hit me!" His eyes widen in alarm, as if he hadn't realized what he was doing. He opened his mouth as if to say something but then closed it again; he seemed trying to form words but failed. He moved forward and pulled the knife out of the tree.

"I…. It wasn't you, I swear it wasn't you. It wasn't you. It was District two. Talia, it was District two." His eyes were panicked, and a tear drew down his cheek. Milles was crazy, Milles had gone freaking crazy. Why wasn't I afraid, why did I run away? Because the world still seemed to slow down when I hugged him. Because I still loved him didn't I? I wiped the tear away with the sleeve of my jacket and he sat down against the tree, he slumped over and closed his eyes mournfully. I move his arms around my waist and put my head on his shoulder, nestling into his side for warmth. The world was freezing; I was right in my original assumption that the arena would be cold. I was just thankful they had given us the thin jackets, it was better than nothing. I close my eyes.

"Milles, you're insane." I whisper. I felt him nod slowly. "That's okay, I love you anyway."

"Hey love birds, it's your shift." I groan quietly. "Pet, wake the hell up."

"Can it Simon, I'm awake." My movement wakes Milles who looks up at One in a semi annoyed manor, but stands and offers me a hand in assistance. I smile up at him and take his hand. I look at them; both of our hands were covered in blood. Once one was asleep I moved closer to him,

"Milles, are you alright?" I lay my hand on his arm, unhappily wondering if he would ever be able to fix himself once he won. I doubted it; I hoped Anthony took care of him. He knew that Milles was important to me, I'm sure he'd know I'd want him to take care of him once he got out of the games. Once he was messed up for good.

"No. Not particularly." I reach up and ruffle his hair. He'd always hated that, but now he looked over at me and smiled with tears in his eyes. "My kid sister's nine, Tal. Only a couple more years and she'll be eligible to get reaped. You know what'll happen to her then? She's going to die here. Like that kid. She's going to die like that kid did, with her own weapon. They'll kill her in cold blood just like that kid; she'll die at the hands of a bunch of sick twisted careers in the cold." He squeezed his eyes closed, I hold tightly to his hand.

"It's alright love, its okay. She'll be safe, you can keep her safe." He opened one eye to look at me, then shook his head.

"I'm not coming home Sweetheart. You know that." I hold my breath, he hadn't caught on yet? He was surprisingly stupid for someone so smart. But I nod in agreement, deciding it would be easier for him if he didn't know until the end; until he had too.

"Yeah, I suppose so."

"You'll take care of her though, wont you?" He looks at me, eyes were green that reminded me of grass in spring. Something I was almost ashamed to admit.

"Yeah, I'll take good care of her." I only hoped that he was well enough to take care of her too, if he wasn't, well maybe Anthony would? I stifled a sigh, I hated to put so much more responsibility on him, but what choice did I have? His parents hardly wanted anything to do with him as it was, and for some reason I didn't think the games were going to change that.

"Milles?" I whisper in his ear, he blinked sleepily. Only half awake he yawns,

"Yeah?"

"Tell me something I don't know about you." He pauses for one long moment, looking somewhat surprised, then he smiled at me and reached up to touch my cheek.

"I lied to Caesar." I crock my eyebrow slightly, "I've always loved you. Since we were very little, since we met." I smile, something halfhearted and wholehearted at the same time.

"I already knew that, you couldn't have been more obvious." The light of the fire danced in his eyes and he smiled,

Milles stands up and shakes district two "My shifts up, your turn."

I leaned back against him and tried unsuccessfully to sleep. But I couldn't because right in front of my eyes the world broke. Split in two, and the thoughts that spilled out of it shouted at me. Was it selfish for me to let him live? Was it selfish to die here in the arena and while he had to carry on everyday of the rest of his life with the memories of the games whispering in his ear? I knew that not even his madness could save him from that, not completely. Somehow amongst all the screaming I heard the one whisper that was my savor. "Milles?"

"Hm?" He stirred slightly, enough I knew he could hear me.

"What if we both die instead?" I whisper as softly as I could, "We could kill each other. It would be so easy."

He opened his eyes and took my face in his hands, forcing me to look into his eyes. "You're going home. Do you hear me? I'm going to make sure you get home, safe and sound. I won't let this arena be the last thing you see," the fire left his eyes slowly and he let out an unhappy sigh, "get some sleep." He closed his eyes and leaned his head against the tree, pulling me closer to him once again. I lay my head back against his shoulder. I guess it was too much to hope for, I would die for him before he had the chance to die for me. It would be okay, he would get home to his sister and make sure she didn't get reaped. My brother would keep an eye on him, it would be okay.

I glance up at him, district seven didn't need me. But the world would be too dark without Milles.


	18. the bloodless day

**Hello min kjærlighet! (Norwegian) I wrote this and I know its probably not very good but I finished at two in the morning (I know bad excuse, but hey, it was storming, was I supposed to sleep through Jesus Christ banging I don't even know freaking symbols in my ear all night. So yes its a bad excuse, but what are you gonna do? Did you want me to lie to you? I didn't think so) anyway, I love you pretty please review. Oh my god, I was copy and pasting this and accidently hit paste instead of copy (dumb mistake I know, I'm tired ok? My own fault I know) and I literally almost died before I remembered that I could click the undo button and fix it. I almost died. Oh my gosh. Oh my freaking gosh. **

**yours always, **

**Pigeon **

District one was already awake when we woke up at around noon, I'm surprised he let us sleep so long. He tossed a small pack of what I assumed was supposed to be meat. "When are we leaving?" I mumble through a mouthful of the jerky.

"We're resting today." He muttered, "If you want to kill someone then you're either going to have to find them yourself or hope they find you." I yawn again, and stretch my arms.

"No thanks." Milles shifts slightly, still asleep. I stop talking, not wanting to wake him. He would wake in awhile anyway and rest would do him good. Or I hoped; the calmness present for once on his face made me wonder what dream was wrapped around his mind at the moment. If perhaps it had convinced him that this was just a horrific nightmare, and he was safe at home.

A soft whimper escaped his lips roughly five minutes later; I shake him by the shoulder softly as rain starts to drip down in large slow drops. "Wake up." The rain came down faster; I shiver slightly and pull the jacket closer around me. Lighting flew through the sky, I shrink back when I hear the sound of it hitting what I could only assume was a tree.

"Are you kidding me?" District one mutters, looking somewhat feverishly in the direction of the lightning. "Shit. Pet, wake up Milles. Silas," he kicked District two's head lightly. "El, Ava, get the hell up."

District two (I assumed Ava) glared up at him, "Oh get lost." She hissed as she reached for her bag, district one didn't even look back at her.

"Were going back to the cornucopia." District two glared up at him.

"Why?"

"Well if you don't want to then fine, sit here and burn to a god damned crisp." Milles glanced at me confused and I shrugged, having no real explanation for the conversation going on.

"If you think we're going to burn, wouldn't it be wise to _move_? God Simon how do you anything's gonna catch on freaking fire anyway?"

"Because the Capital is a big fan of the classic fuck over and apparently there are a whole lot of pyromaniacs controlling the games, we haven't killed anyone the whole damn day. Do you fucking circus freaks want a death every god damned day?" He yells at the sky in a psychotic manor, "Fine!" He pointed the sword in my direction; Milles positions himself solidly in front of me gripping a knife that was still covered in blood.

I grabbed his arm to pull him back but he yanks away from me. District one took a step closer and Milles moves his arm back to throw, I take the knife out of his hand just as his throws his arm forward. "_Children_!" I scream, Milles turns around looking wide eyed at me. Though I acknowledge he was trying,_ trying _to protect me. They were being complete idiots; if they were trying to prove something to the capital then they were failing. "Stop fighting, we are going to the cornucopia whether or not the forest is on fire, it is wet, and I am tired. If you two are done acting like puppets then can we _please_ move?" District two looked at me as if she were choking on laughter, the look on District one's face was almost enough to make me laugh too.

Slowly he nodded and started walking back in the direction yesterday, "District One." He pauses slightly for me to catch up. "Don't forget." He shrugged. "You are a god damned lunatic, you're going crazy. But you know something one?" I lean in to whisper in his ear, pressing my knife against his side. "You're not the only one who's losing it."

"Tal,"

"Yeah?" Milles moves to stand next to me.

"We could kill him in his sleep." He tilts his head to the side. "We could do it without him noticing, let him go softly." He glanced at me through the corner of his eye.

"Don't talk about that kind of thing!" I hissed, more than a little alarmed he was bringing something like that up in the middle of the day with them around us. "It's too early for that; we have to wait until it's just a handful of us left." I looked back up at District one and pretended that I didn't think of him as a friend, I pretended I didn't care what happened to him, pretended that I didn't hope someone else killed him before I had to, but that's all it was. Pretending.

The last few yards to the cornucopia were sprinted, though it wasn't necessarily large on the inside it was definitely big enough for us, and it was definitely an improvement to sitting under a tree. "This is not what I signed up for." Milles whispers from behind me, a stupid move on his part. I spin around and almost slit his neck, however he stepped aside.

"Shut up." He grins anyway, something he inevitably did. We watched as the girls from District one and two whispered amongst themselves, I assumed the worst. Wondering when they would try to kill us, we'd be safe for a few more days. But not as many as I'd like if we had many more days of rest, days with only time for them to plan.

"Were going to die here." I whisper sleepily in his ear, he shakes his head softly.

"Only me."

**p.s. I know its not my best, but its kind of a filler chapter, I'm sorry but its true. Anyway, I love you and I hope you liked this chapter!**

**yours,**

**Pigeon **


	19. I'll never leave again

**Hello upendo wangu! (Swahili) I stared Crewing (basically its competitive boating) I am so bad at it, and I hate talking to people, and also its full of rich people, which even if I was I don't act it. So I'm around a bunch of people that I don't fit in with anyway, but the point is its really cool. BY THE WAY! The boy is officially trying to drive me ****mad. ****he still has not answered me, no wait, he has responded to my email. He has not answered me. I'm at the point where I just want him to tell me he doesn't like me so I can be sad and then be down with it. I am so tired of not knowing, its not something I've ever particularly enjoyed. Not knowing I mean. I wouldn't mind but I asked him to tell me if he liked me or not, and he completely overlooked my question. I think I'm just going to hit him. Really hard with a metal chair. Huff. I know I'm being super whinny but I'm so sick of him not answering me because he knows I want to know and he's not answering me on purpose. I'm going to hit him. I'm so tired of being a teenager and having so many emotions and shit stuffed into me. Why cant I be a Vulcan? that would make life so much easier. Huff. I guess I'll only ever be yours. **

**forever yours, **

**Pigeon **

**p.s. I accidently killed one of the tributes twice I think, I'm sorry, so some tribute is going to die without me saying so just to have it not take up to much time because apparently I am a failure. (there most likely isn't going to be a huge fight until the turning of the careers) I'm sorry :( **

"Do you think they'd let us both come home?" I ask as we walk in the opposite direction we'd come in the day before.

"Never." He squeezed my hand affectionately, as if in comfort. Almost as if he didn't realize that if he didn't come home, neither would I. I had a feeling that no matter what I would never leave this arena, not if I could help it. And if I couldn't, not completely.

"Maybe we'll actually have a fight today." One says, excited. I try not to hit him, reminding myself he had been raised to fight and kill. I shiver when I remember he had been raised not only for those things, he had been raised to survive also.

I shrug and unsheathe my knife at the prospect of fighting. He smiled, his hand already wrapped around the hilt of his sword. He moved back towards the front of the pack. An uncomfortable silence curled up and made its home around us as we walked through the brush, hours and hours of silence ate at the sanity that I had left; if there was any. Its okay, I think to myself, if you were really crazy you would think you were sane. But maybe it would be better to know madness, when madness holds you it never lets go. It lets you forget, it makes you let go of everything you've ever known. I long for a madness that I fear Milles already has.

By late afternoon we still hadn't found anyone, I hear a something snap behind us. Milles spins around and throws a knife, it smacks against a tree. There was no one there. He moves back and pulls it back, shoving it back into the sheath attached to his bag. He lingered back near the tree for a moment before walking back towards us, District One tilted his head. Crocking his eyebrows at Milles, he nodded slowly. "We don't have time for you to kill all the trees in the forest Seven, come on." He snapped, smiling back at us. We walked again, slowly but not much slower than before. A canon blasts out into the air, it was dark soon the anthem would play. That had been the only death today. I assumed we were waiting for the tribute to try to sneak up on us in our sleep, or waiting to find them in the dark.

I stripped bark of the tree with my knife, tossing it back over my shoulder towards District two who glared at me begrudgingly as he attempted to start the fire. The anthem screamed through the air disturbing our silence, I glared up at the sky to see and see the girl from eleven is dead. No skin of my back, really I was almost glad. One step closer to the end of the game. Then I can finally die.

"Milles, I need to barrow one of your knives." I run my finger lightly over the blade of my knife. "It's getting dull." The sound reminds me of nails scrapping against a chalk board. As I sit sharpening my knife District One stands and motions Milles to fallow him in the direction we'd come from earlier.

Once they've disappeared into the cloak of darkness and trees I hear a strangled sound almost like someone drowning above water, something I was sure I'd heard before; a canon blasted out into the night and I knew it wasn't the cannon of the tribute that was fallowing us. I turn around District two was laying in a pool of his own blood by the fire. I glance silently at District two's girl and District one. Asleep, typical. A boy with black hair stood over him; I could almost see his eyes but not quite. The second I stood up he was already in motion, although not running away, not like he should be.

"He's not around to save you this time is he." He whispered moving towards me, "Marie's going to take them out; or at least one of them, before they even realize she's there. God, no one ever realizes how stupid you careers are. They all think you're so smart, and tough, and everyone's always so afraid of you." He cackles crazily, I move backwards, my knuckle white with the effort of holding my knife so tightly.

"Milles." I try to scream but a whisper is all I can manage. His laughter becomes more hysterical. His hand is wrapped around a scythe, he grins.

"Would you like me to give you a smile, like I did your friend? I'd be glad to give you a smile." I glance over his shoulder at District two and District one; they sat and watched him attack me. Though I wasn't genuinely surprised by this I was vaguely insulted. District two's boy lay on the ground blood still draining from him, I see with horror the slits in his face that make it appear to be a smile painted red. He was mad, why him instead of me? Everyone grew insane, but I held onto sanity much easier then I would have liked. His laughter dies down to a psychotic giggle.

"Milles?" I scream, he frowns and makes a sloppy swing at my head with his scythe. I dodge but by little. "Milles!" I scream as loudly as I can manage. I dodge another swing; distantly I think I hear someone calling my name in return. I jump aside, slashing at him in a panicked manor, causing me to miss. A throwing knife suddenly slams into a nearby tree, another fallowing this time catching the boy's ear. He shrieks a ferial animal's cry.

Milles moves forward throwing another knife as he backs up, it snags against his jacket pinning it against a tree. District one moves behind him, he laughs dismissively. "Oh now my friend you've made a big mistake." He makes another swing at Milles, who only sidestepped to evade it. "You see, as I'm sure you've learned these two are allies. Not only allies, not only careers. Their," District Ones smile widens as if the prospect of what he's about to say is alone enough to make him laugh "in love." He laughs slightly. Milles takes one long step ending directly in front of him, to close to swing at. I moved forward slightly, my second mistake of the last several days (the first of which was growing attached to District one). Milles was standing to close to swing at, but I wasn't. He swung once more at me, due to being off my guard I didn't have time to guard. If dug into my right arm; thankfully not my primary arm. I would still be able to fight.

I fell to the ground cradling my injured arm as blood poured out of it. Milles eyes widened and he thrusts the knife in his hand into the boys arm, it sliced quickly threw his arm and logged into the tree itself until only the hilt could be seen; the boy screamed again. The animal scream sounded like nothing but I could hear what it was he was crying out. He was screaming for his ally as I had. District one smiled.

Milles dropped to his knees next to me, carefully pulling off my jacket. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Talia, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I won't leave again, I won't leave you again. I promise, Talia I'm sorry." He mutters softly, tears drawling out of his eyes as he took his own jacket off, ripping part of its sleeve off; wrapping it around my arm gently. "God, I'm sorry."

District one just watched him for a long moment, excitement glimmering in his eyes. "One more mistake you made, the girls are obviously not too fond of our little Pet; but Milles and I? Oh, we're quite attached to her. It's never a good idea to get in the way of a boy and his Pet." There was a long pause as he watched blood ooze out of the wound, finally he moved forward and pulled the scythe out of his limp hand and tossed it to the side. "Shall we kill you yet? Are you ready to beg me to let you die?" Mutely he nodded, he too was crying. I bit my lip to keep from doing something so squeamish. I refused to cry in front of my attacker.

"No, Julian!" A high feminine voice cried out, I assumed this was Marie. I saw her figure dart from behind a tree. Milles flings a knife at her without much more than a sideways glance; it buries itself in her neck. Her canon blasts before she even hits the ground. District one pouts his lips, looking like he's trying hard not to smile.

"That's a shame now isn't it? She did seem nice, didn't she? Oh well, dead now." His eyes flash vaguely, but the look of exhaustion, misery is mostly what registers on his face. A look that longs for death. "Ready now?" We would have to move our camp; three corpses wouldn't do to sleep with. The boy stared at him unresponsively with stony eyes full of sorrow and pain.

"Kill him, One." I whisper, "Let him die, he's done here." Would it be better to let him live or die? I wanted to end his suffering that was all I wanted. For him to die, and be done. He shrugged and ran his sword through his heart, His canon blasted into the air. We all sat in silence for a long moment. Yanking it back out and whipping the blood onto the grass. Then pulling Milles knife out of his arm, he fell to the ground.

"Do we have any disinfectant in the first aid?" Milles finally said, unwrapping the cloth around my arm.

"We probably have gauze in there too you know."

"It wouldn't be as thick." He mutter rummaging through the first aid kit, finally he pulled out a small bottle of semi clear liquid. He hesitated, his hand hovering over the gash on my arm. Finally he moved it down I tightly closed my eyes and bite my lip as he rubbed the disinfectant on it. District one walked over to the two girls.

"Explain?" His voice was calm; I could almost hear slight aggravation. But maybe I was finally going insane, maybe I was imagining it.

"He would've attacked us too. Besides she's not that useful, we wouldn't have lost much. It wasn't worth it."

"I'll keep that in mind next time either of you are getting attacked." He says with a mask of calm. Was he angry for me? We couldn't be friends; even if we weren't in the arena we'd known each other for little over a week. Or had it been less? I had lost track, I couldn't imagine it didn't mattering anymore. Milles rewrapped my arm, I finally allowed the tears that I'd been holding back to fall. I choked on the great waves of tears.

"This hurts so much oh my god." I choked on the words; Milles moved next to me and hugged me. Whispering softly in my ear

"It's okay, you won't die from this. You're going home Talia, I promise your going home." He rocked slightly holding me tightly against him, "I'm sorry I left. I won't leave again; if I have to I'll take you with me. I'm sorry Talia, it's my fault." I could hear him holding back tears. I didn't try anymore, the searing pain blinded me, I squeezed my eyes closed but tears spilled out onto my cheeks and onto Milles jacket anyway. "Sh, it's okay. You're going to make it out okay. Don't worry Talia. Don't worry."

District One watched us silently before clearing his throat in an attempt to get our attention. "Guys, we should probably get out of here so they can collect the bodies." Milles nodded and stood, offering a hand to help me. District two and the Ghost girl stood and we collected our supplies, District one picked up the scythe that lay near Milles and I, and the bow and arrows that the girl had. She must not have been a very good shot if she'd run out of her hiding place to defend him. Milles pulled his knife out of her throat, making a small sound when more blood spurted out of the wound. He wipes the blood off on his pant leg, which was covered in blood from doing so multiple times and from my bleeding on him. He walked back towards me holding out his hand.

We left our camp ground after snuffing out the fire; we all paused and listened to the sound of the bodies being collected. I held his hand more firmly as if this would keep him from getting being killed.

**I lied. There was a fight, sorry I wrote the first authors note before I wrote the chapter, so I accidently lied. I love you and hope you enjoyed that. Thanks for reading, your my favorite, don't tell the others ;) **

**forever yours,**

**Pigeon **


	20. Dead Alliances'

**Hello Liebling** **(German, Ducky). I know this chapter isn't very good, especially the fight. I know, pathetic, your deeply disappointed in me. I know. I'm deeply disappointed in myself as well. Anyway I hope you at lest don't completely hate this, **

**forever yours,**

**Alice**

The darkness collapsed into light and we moved on again with one less career. One less person for me to betray I suppose. The Ghost and the remaining District Two walked together talking in hushed voices. I wondered when they would turn on us, when One would. Three people were dead already and the light had barely begun to open its sleepy eyes again to face the brut truth of what the world was constantly whispering in our ears.

"One?" I move towards him, he grabs the hilt of his sword. I crock my eyebrows, he smiles but I note he doesn't let go. "There are only nine people left." He nods slowly; his eyes flicker to my knife, still in its sheath. "Will we split up soon?"

"Yes," he glances back at the Ghost and Two; even he seemed to have realized the Ghost was untrustworthy.

"After today?" He shrugged soberly,

"Probably." He almost seems unhappy. But this was something I doubted; even if he had grown attached to me somehow he would be glad to see me go. Glad to let me die at the hands of someone else and not himself, he should feel much the same as I felt at the moment. Almost a sense of relief. He tilts his head slightly, opens his mouth to say something when the Ghost shots an arrow in the general direction of us. He shots her a look and she shrugs, not even trying to play it off. A canon fires into the air and he glances over to see a cold dead girl with an arrow stuck in her temple.

"Now there are eight left." He mutters under his breath, glancing back at the two again with a look of urgency. I cringe when Milles brushes against my arm, nearly biting my tongue off at the sudden burst of fresh pain that sprung up my arm and then throughout the rest of my body.

"Are you going to go off on your own when we split?" He asks attentively, his hand wrapped around the hilt of a knife. He stood slightly in front of me, in a way I may not have noticed if we all weren't in such jumpy moods as of late. One tilts his head slightly and shrugs.

"Probably, I hadn't decided." He lets go of his sword, relaxing his shoulders.

"Are you going to ask him, or not?" I finally whisper irritably, Milles and I had had this conversation the night before. See if One would stay allies with us until it was absolutely necessary, which would be about the final five, though dangerous it would make us more likely to win. One was a good fighter and so long as he didn't turn on us it would be almost easy to make it to the final five.

"We figure if we stay allies with you, it would be easy for you, for us to make it to the final five. Then we can, uh, split up." Even though it was perfectly evident that we wouldn't "split up" We'd probably end up killing him in his sleep, or he us.

"I'll think about it." He glances at me and smiles; I can't help but let a small laugh escape my lips.

"No you won't think about it. you'll tell me right here, right now. You don't think about things in the arena." He grins again.

"Alright, we'll stay allies for now." The darkness that crosses his eyes when he says for now drives a chill up my spin.

District two and The Ghost stayed unusually, suspiciously, quiet the rest of the day. The veil night fell and the anthem played, the girl from nine, the boy from three, and the girl from six smiled at us from the sky. They had all died at our hands, was this how all careers felt? Or was it simply me? There was a long, thick silence. Then everything began to happen in synch; I looked up silently, Milles moved vaguely in front of me, District One unsheathed his sword, Milles threw a knife, The Ghost shot an arrow that hardly missed One's head, I unsheathed my knife, District One took several steps towards Two, She tightened her grip on her spear.

I took several steps back and slipped into the trees and further darkness behind us. I move as quietly as I can in the darkness, finding my way behind The Ghost. She fires another arrow at Milles, I wrap my uninjured arm around her neck and grit my teeth as I wrap my hand around the hilt of my knife and slice the bow string, then the strap of her quiver. Unarmed, she threw a disoriented punch which I dodged dropping my knife in the process. District One laughed, Two stood backed up against a tree. I screamed as The Ghost twisted my injured arm backwards, probably the cheapest thing she could have done. Milles, who had been surprisingly invisible up to this point, spun her around grabbing her by the neck he lifted her off the ground.

District two screamed, then a moment later a canon fired and I heard District One laugh. The Ghost flailed her arms uselessly for awhile, managing to get her hands on one of Milles's knives, One took my shoulder and moved me back a step. Milles set her down after a moment, One smiled.

"Tisk, tisk. Naughty little girl. This isn't a toy." I close my eyes tightly, though this is ill advised, to avoid seeing what I know is unavoidable. I hear a sickening snapping and a muffled cry that I assume is the Ghost biting back a scream, her canon goes off not much after this. Milles takes my hand; I open my eyes in time to see him putting away a bloodied knife. District One brushed blood off of himself somewhat indignantly then stripped The Ghost and Two of their bags.

I glance at The Ghost and note silently to myself that she looks almost exactly as I thought she would. I smile; Milles glances at me and tilts his head whispering with a small almost unhappy grin "You're going crazy."

My smile falters. "I'm the only sane one here." I wasn't crazy.

**I hope this wasn't to much of a disappointment, thanks for reading! I love you!**

**-Pigeon **


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